


Exposure Therapy

by underoriginal



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fighting, Kissing, Panic Attacks, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5608273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underoriginal/pseuds/underoriginal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper hates the rain. </p><p>Sequel to edges of memory</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exposure Therapy

A month and a half after Jasper surrendered to the Crystal Gems, it rained for the first time. 

Jasper had stayed in the house, too unsure of her position to leave. She hadn’t been treated like a prisoner and her mind still buzzed with the memory of Garnet’s kisses, but she couldn’t pretend to be on equal terms with the Crystal Gems and still wear her diamond. Not that she deserved to wear it anymore. Making out with the enemy leader was about as treasonous as it was possible to be. So, except for that one time with Garnet, she stayed in the house.

Eventually, she grew restless from her constant inactivity. Garnet had done all the heavy lifting for the drill and Jasper didn’t have the dexterity for the detail work. She spent her days watching the ocean from the window, marking the high tide lines, reassuring herself that the ocean could creep no higher.

Garnet’s ministrations had shown her that she could not wallow in her fear forever. She uncurled herself from her spot on the couch and took a few hesitant steps outside. 

Steven looked up from where he was reading on the other end of the couch. “It’s kinda cloudy,” he warned. “It’s probably gonna rain today.”

“I’ll be fine,” Jasper said. She had survived acid rain, plasma rain, even glass rain before. Earth just didn’t measure up. 

“Okay, lemme know if you wanna go into Beach City. Garnet said one of us has to go with you if you do.” With that, the half-human child returned to his book. 

Despite her confusion, Jasper had no intent of questioning her freedoms. 

She paced up and down the beach, trying to work up the nerve to get closer to the water. The gem whose name Jasper didn't even dare think had left Beach City to ‘find herself’, but Jasper couldn’t shake the fear that the gem had never stopped watching her. 

“The water’s shallow here.”

Jasper spun around, drawing her claws. Garnet cocked her head to the side, but didn't otherwise react. She reclined against the cliff face, calm and aloof as ever. 

“I’m not afraid of drowning,” Jasper lied. 

Garnet shrugged. “Didn’t say you were.” She gestured out at sea. “There’s some pretty tricky currents out there. Drag you down if you’re not careful.”

Jasper shuddered. “So?” She tensed her hands to keep them from shaking but she couldn't disguise the way her hair stood on end. 

“Be careful,” Garnet admonished. She turned her face towards the sky. “Rain’s starting.”

Before Jasper could refuse to go inside, the first drop hit her shoulder. Water. This planet rained water. The skies opened and the rain poured out, drenching Jasper where she stood frozen. 

Water trailed over her wrists, her throat, her ankles. Her hair flattened against her scalp, covering her eyes. She wanted to see, she couldn't see. Don’t pull back, don’t fight back, she’ll hurt you if you fight back. Jasper ignored the voice in the back of her head. She already hurt, the water weighing her down and her knees dug into the ocean floor where she had landed without realizing it. She struggled and thrashed and screamed and the water stayed, filling her throat, trapping her inside and out. No matter what she did, she could find no purchase, no resistance, nothing she could use to break her bonds. She could break any chain like tissue paper, but there were no chains. Just the inexorable pressure, the constant presence. She choked, trying to force the water out, but more rushed to join it. 

Finally, finally, her hand hit something solid and she heard a voice, low and level, speaking to her loud enough to be heard over the screaming in her mind.

“Jasper,” the voice said. “Jasper, Jasper.” Other words, too, but they were lost in the roar of the ocean. Still, “Jasper, Jasper, Jasper.” No one down here ever said her name. She wasn’t allowed to have a name. 

And as she breathed, Jasper felt the air in her lungs and the caress of the wind and the firm pressure of the cliff she had collapsed against. She blinked and pushed the hair out of her eyes and no chains held her back. 

“Let’s get inside,” Garnet said and Jasper stumbled and swayed up to the temple and huddled in a corner, trying not to feel the water dripping off her. 

Garnet and Steven talked softly but Jasper ignored them, focusing on counting her breaths. A few minutes later, she felt a towel drape over her shoulders. 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Garnet asked.

Jasper shook her head. “It’s not my first flashback, you know.”

“I know,” Garnet said.

Jasper sighed. “Just give me a minute.”

Garnet sat down next to her, strong and silent, waiting. As much as the concept of fusion scandalized Jasper, she had to admit that she would miss Garnet if Garnet unfused. Homeworld had tried to forget the war. Before Earth, Jasper hadn’t talked to another veteran in millennia. Even on opposite sides, Garnet shared the memories.

“You were at the Strawberry Fields, weren’t you?” Jasper asked.

“I was,” Garnet affirmed.

“That was my first battle,” Jasper offered. It wasn’t something she liked to think about, but at least it took her mind off the ocean.

“Hell of a place to start,” Garnet noted, adjusting her shades.

Jasper hummed her agreement. “Never seen a battle like it since.”

They drifted off into awkward silence. Shudders gripped Jasper’s body every few minutes, but Garnet was a steady, unflinching anchor at her side.

“Why?” Jasper asked when the silence became too heavy to bear. 

Garnet tilted her head to the side in an unspoken question. 

“Why did you bother to help me?” Jasper demanded. “Why are you being so good to me?”

Garnet stared off into space for a few moments. “It is the philosophy of the Crystal Gems that every gem deserves a second chance,” she recited. 

Jasper scoffed. “And what about the hundreds of gems you slaughtered on the battlefield with your own two hands?” she demanded turning to glare at Garnet. “Why didn’t those gems get a second chance?”

Garnet didn’t flinch. “What makes you think I wanted to spare you?”

For a moment, Jasper saw the glint in Garnet’s eyes, not fully masked by her shades. She saw the gem who had defeated her in single combat, thrown her bodily into the core of the ship, shattered her weapon with a single blow. Then, the moment passed.

“So why did you?” she asked.

“I’ve had enough of killing,” Garnet said. 

Jasper considered that, remembered all the battles she had fought, all the enemies she had crushed, and the strange rebellious gems who had shown her mercy in spite of it all. “I think I have too,” she admitted. “For a little while at least.”

Garnet smiled sadly at her. “The bloodlust never quite goes away, does it?”

Jasper shook her head. 

Garnet got to her feet and held out her hand to Jasper. “Let’s spar,” she offered. 

Jasper grinned, forgetting the water dripping from her shoulders, and took Garnet’s hand. 

Garnet led her to an old sky arena above the clouds. It was in terrible shape, chunks of the floor missing and the pillars in shambles, but there was more than enough space for a proper duel. Garnet and Jasper faced each other across the arena. Jasper summoned her helmet and Garnet smashed her gauntlets together. The next moment, they both charged. 

They fought in earnest, neither of them holding back. One moment, Garnet snapped Jasper’s forearm in half. The next, Jasper bit a chunk out of Garnet’s side. As they fought, Jasper lost herself in the blows, the burn of her muscles, the pounding of fists. Fighting Garnet was euphoric. Garnet laughed as they fought, bright and clear, and soon Jasper joined her.

Eventually, Garnet caught Jasper by the leg and threw her to the ground, pinning her hands above her head and straddling her hips. Jasper leaned up to press a kiss to Garnet’s lips. Garnet jerked back in shock. Jasper headbutted her away and rolled to her feet.

“That’s cheating,” Garnet accused, her eyes shining happily through her half-broken shades.

“Says the fusion,” Jasper retorted.

Garnet stepped forward, caught Jasper’s arms, and kissed her firmly. Jasper melted into the kiss, her hands coming up to encircle Garnet’s waist. Garnet banished her gauntlets and fisted her hand in Jasper’s hair, wrapping her legs around Jasper’s wide hips.

“So is it still cheating when you do it?” Jasper murmured into Garnet’s hair.

Garnet chuffed and kissed Jasper’s neck, pulling her head aside to suck orange bruises on her throat. “Of course,” she whispered, her voice low and sultry, “but you like it.”

Jasper pressed her own kisses into Garnet’s jaw, scraping her teeth down to her collarbone. “Yeah, I do,” she admitted. 

She was about to suggest that they take the kissing a bit farther when her leg gave out. She fell to the ground with Garnet on top of her. Now that Jasper could actually feel the pain from all her various injuries, that particular configuration was much less enjoyable.

“Are you alright?” Garnet asked, climbing off of her.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jasper grunted. “You might want to get Steven out here though. He’s a healer, right?” Honestly, her injuries were more extensive than she had first realized. Aside from her bad leg, she had bruises all over her chest, scrapes on both arms, and a chunk missing from her side that she was reasonably certain Garnet had bitten out. Garnet herself wasn’t in much better shape.

“We don’t need to bother him,” Garnet said. “Come on, I’ll take you to Rose’s fountain.”

Garnet slung Jasper’s arm over her shoulder and helped her walk to the warp pad, where she brought her to a fountain of Rose Quartz, surrounded by bushes with delicate pink flowers. Jasper stared in awe at the figure of the grand general. With her arms empty and outstretched and her eyes closed, she looked almost like a peaceful figure. It was nothing like how Jasper knew Rose Quartz, but then again, she wouldn’t have shown her true nature to her followers. But Jasper was starting to struggle with even that idea; Garnet didn’t strike her as easily deluded like a pearl or an untrained runt.

“What is this place?” Jasper asked.

“Rose’s fountain,” Garnet said bluntly. 

Jasper blinked. “I got that much.”

Garnet refused to explain any more as she led Jasper to the fountain. When Jasper realized they were going into the water, she pulled away.

“No,” she choked. “No, I can’t go there.”

“Jasper,” Garnet said soothingly. “This is Rose’s healing fountain.”

Jasper shook her head frantically. “No. Just go get Steven. I can’t go in the water.”

Garnet sighed, but she guided Jasper to sit down on a rock and crouched in front of her. “Steven’s abilities have not yet fully manifested,” she said. “You are heavily injured and he is not yet strong enough to heal you. It’s either this or retreat into your gem.”

Jasper hissed in a mixture of anger and fear. “I’m not poofing around you,” she spat. She tried to stare Garnet down, but she couldn’t match Garnet for stoicism. “Can you, can you bring the water to me?” she asked, staring at the ground.

Garnet kissed her on the cheek. “I can.” 

Jasper had to fight down the urge to keep holding onto her hand as she walked away. A few moments later, Garnet returned with water from the fountain cradled in her hands.

“Let’s start with your leg,” she said.

Jasper nodded gratefully. She wanted to be able to see what Garnet was doing. Garnet gently laved the water over her leg and the injury glowed and healed. Moving quickly and efficiently, Garnet tended to the rest of Jasper’s wounds, her own form healing in the process due to contact with the water. 

At last, they were both whole again. Jasper sat in the sun, waiting to dry off completely. She had managed to stave off another flashback, but she still shook in fear.

“Why did this planet have to rain water?” she grumbled.

Garnet shrugged, sitting on the ground next to her, leaning her head against Jasper’s thigh. “I dunno,” she said. “Helps the plants.”

“I don’t care about the plants.”

Garnet scoffed. “They were here first.”

They sat in comfortable silence, not really having much to talk about. Rose’s fountain, wherever it was on the planet, had clear skies and Jasper preferred to stay away from Beach City until the storm cleared. Evidently, Garnet had no pressing business either. Jasper took the opportunity to ask the question that had haunted her all day.

“Am I-” she started, then broke off.

“Hm?” Garnet asked.

Jasper sighed and gathered herself. “Am I ever going to go back to normal?” she asked in a whisper, unable to look at Garnet.

Garnet turned around and took Jasper’s hand in her fingertips. “Short answer? No. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never recover.” She removed her broken shades and looked Jasper straight in the eye. “What happened to you changed you, just as everything else does. You are not who you were before Malachite. You know things you did not know then, you act in ways you would not have then. That doesn't mean that who you are now is inferior. You get to decide for yourself what your new normal is.”

Jasper pulled away from Garnet and buried herself in her hair. “I just want to go home,” she whispered forlornly. 

Garnet placed a comforting hand on her thigh. “I know,” she said. “So do I.”

There was no way back. Jasper knew it. The only thing she could do now was move forward. She wanted to go into the water, to conquer her fear, but it had been a long day and she was tired enough that she could barely keep her eyes open.

“Can we go back to the house?” she asked.

Garnet nodded and led her back to the warp pad. “You look like you could use some sleep,” she commented.

“Sleep?” Jasper asked. “Isn’t that the human rest cycle?”

“Not just humans,” Garnet explained. “Most organics on Earth engage in sleep at one point or another. I’ve found it to be very relaxing.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll give that a shot,” Jasper said.

Garnet gave her a small smile and laced their fingers together. “I’ll help you.”

Jasper fell asleep for the first time with her arms curled around Garnet and for once her idle mind turned not towards the ocean but towards Garnet’s lips pressed against hers.


End file.
